Hanging Christmas Lights Play by Play

5:10 - Get home from work. Decide that since its over 50 degrees out, tonight is my best chance to get the lights up and do the other outdoor things I needed to do.

5:15 - Get the ladder up in front and realize its not high enough for me to get onto the roof. Also first time I decide it sure would be nice to have someone there helping me.

5:18 - Carry ladder through house to the deck in back where I am able to climb up onto the roof.

5:20 - Begin attaching the clips to the siding to hold the light strand up. Up there I realize I am going to have to get down to do the front of the porch area and then get back up again to finish on the other side. Man I wish I had someone to help me.

6:10 Now pretty dark out but luckily I am working with lights so I can actually see. I get the lights strung up the other side of the gable and realize I am about 2 1/2 foot short.

6:11 - Expletive filled tirade.

6:12 - Decide that maybe I can get another couple feet out of the lights if I start back at the beginning and tighten the clips.

6:15 - First prayer of Thanksgiving that its the end of November but still over 50 degrees and not raining.

6:28 - I have gained about 12 inches, but I digress. :) Anyway I have gained enough extra length that it is just about equal and I decide its time to move onto hanging the garland and lights on the pillars, or so I thought.

6:35 - Krista comes home and decides it looks stupid just having lights on the gable and decides she wants ME to put them up over the garage and over the other 2 bedrooms in front. I think ok, not too hard to do the garage, but I am pretty sure my six foot ladder is not going to traverse the 15 foot difference on the other side of the house.

7:13 - The lights over the garage go up real easy, but I am beginning to wonder how I am going to plug everything in. Light count now stands at 300.

7:45 - Back on the roof again putting the lights and clips up over the spare bedroom with a 15 foot drop to the rocky retaining wall below.

7:52 - Decide that my hands and knees are really starting to hurt from all this climbing around on the roof. And don't even get me started on my back...

8:05 - Dinner time. But its so nice out I decide to eat my biscuits and gravy out on the porch (see even though its a post about christmas lights, I can still talk about food).

8:18 - Light count is now at 400 lights and I am beginning to worry how I am going to plug it all in.

8:34 - We begin to hang the garland on the pillars. 1 pillar done and light count now at 500.

8:42 - Sit and stare at the lights for 10 minutes trying to decide which way to string them all so they all plug in with the minimal amount of cords using terms like male end, female end, butts and dongs, etc.

9:07 - We are now out of prelight garland and we have to start making our own because the dutchman accountant in me decided that was cheaper. But in retrospect not necessarily smarter.

9:16 - Now is a great time to mention that Krista LOVES christmas lights. I learned last year that I am the designated light stringer for the foreseeable future in this relationship. So she is really loving me interupting her Las Vegas to have her help wrap the garland.

9:25 - We now have 2 pillars strung and I realize I left a butt at the bottom of the pillar so I don't know how I am going to plug that in.

9:26 - Shorter, clean expletive filled tirade.

9:38 - Commercial break, and we make the executive decision that we will string the other poles from the other way and leave the butt alone.

10:02 - The pillars are finally done and all the lights work. (Knock on wood). Total light count 800 lights. I take the scooter for a spin down to the road to see how she looks.

10:04 - Mission accomplished. Something for the neighbors to try and top. I couldn't compete with my crappy lawn this summer, that wasn't making anyone jealous. But I would love to see someone try to compete with my light display. Just try me. I have another 5-600 lights just chillin in the box waiting to be called into active duty. Try me neighbors, just try me. And since it still is the country I am just waiting for the first inflatable snowman. Got to love the yard garbage.

10:11 - I now realize I have taken about 5 hours to hang lights and my back and knees are killing me. Boy, I can't wait to wake up tomorrow...

Pie Count

Well I am sure everyone is wondering how many pieces of pie I have had in the last week. Well lets count. Thanksgiving lunch #1: 1 pumpkin, lunch #2: 1 pumpkin, dinner: 1 pecan, Friday lunch: 1 apple, dinner: 2 pecan 1 apple, Saturday: 1 apple, Sunday: 1 apple, Monday: 1 apple. So lets see that makes 10 slices in 5 days. Who's the pie man? Me of course. And to think I have only gained 1 pound.

Stupid Questions to ponder over the Holidays

Here you go, get me the answers...

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Who was the first person to look at an egg come out of a chickens butt and say "That looks like some good eatin!"?

Why do toasters always have a setting that turns the toast into a charcoal briquette, which no decent human being would eat?

Real thought provoking right?? Have fun.

Guest Author

Its me again. My brother Dave will be joining from time to time as a guest writer. He thinks he is funny like me, so he is going to try to entertain as well. Look for hilarity from him soon.

Weekly Rant... Quesadilla Girl

I hate the Quesadilla girl. What is the quesadilla girl you might ask. Well she is a direct decendant of chicken finger girl. Quesadilla girl (QG) is just one small baby step past chicken finger girl (CFG). QG is adventourous enough to allow her boyfriend/husband/etc. to go to a resturant other than say Applebee's or Fridays or any of the other cookie cutter restaurants. And on the whole drive there she is just hoping and wishing that if this restaurant doesn't have chicken fingers on the menu, I hope they at least have a nice chicken quesadilla on the menu. Going to a restaurant and only eating a hunk of chicken and fries or a tortilla shell with cheese and chicken, is unadventurous. (Of course the quesadilla will come with veggies in it, sour cream, and salsa, but QG 86's those because they are yucky.) Whats the point in even eating if those are your staples in life? Come on live a little. You know all restaurants have one or both on the menu, take a look I guarantee I am right. They would go out of business if they didn't because they would lose millions of finicky eaters and their dinner guests. If you think about QG and CFG carry a lot of clout in this world. To sum it up they really bug me, when I see these people out in restaurants you know exactly who QG is, she is looking at the menu with an upturned nose frantically searching for the quesadilla section, and then you can tell when she finally finds them listed in the appetizer section because a look of relief and joy comes over her face and everyone in the place breathes a sigh of relief knowing their won't be a Quesozilla on a rampage tonight. Do you know a Quesadilla Girl or a Chicken Finger Girl? Are you that girl? Am I wrong? Wow even my rants involve food. I am glad I am married to a woman who actually eats real food, but come to think of it I think she had her own quesadilla/chicken finger phase, thank god she grew out of it. Well until next time when I will discuss how girls today along with Tyson Farms are ruining society because they are so used to all white meat chicken breasts and think that chicken on the bone is gross and yucky.

Leah's bonus question...

Thanks Leah!

If people in Michigan count by saying 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, etc. How do people in Mississippi count?

Stupid Question for the week of 11/14

So how has everyone enjoyed the previous questions? Very thought provoking right? Well here is this weeks brain churner...

Who is Jimmy? Why does he crack corn? And if no one cares, why does he continue to do it?

Well I guess that was a 3 part question, but a good one non the less...

5 Reasons I Hate Snow

Does anyone dread winter like me? I know Brian is not a fan. And just think Bri, now you get to drive 31 everyday too!! You are lucky.

So here is my top 5 reasons...

1. Its cold
2. Driving in it sucks a fat one
3. Shoveling it makes me go to the chiropractor
4. Makes me crabby
5. Its wet, and I hate being wet.

Bonus Stupid Question...

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Huh, huh? Do you know?

Stupid Questions for the Week of 11/7

Ok we have a couple today, and as usual, give me your feedback....

Do vegitarians eat animal crackers?

If a turtle loses his shell is he naked or homeless?

Please post your answers and any questions you would like answered...

Gregg's Bachelor Party

The big day is quickly approaching for the 2 lovebirds from opposite sides of the freeway. 23 days and they are hitched and off to their 2nd choice of honeymoon spots since Wilma decided to go prehistoric on their last choice. But first of course you have to do the fun stuff. The bachelor party. So this Saturday is going to be filled with gun shots, welts, cries of pain, charred animal flesh, and lots of booze. And if we are lucky, no broken bones. We can only hope to put Gregg in lots of akward situations, and maybe even annoy Amanda a little. But its a groomsman's job. And we willingly take on that task. I can't wait to met Diamond and Cinnamon...

Dish Network

The Oldebekking Estate is moving right past the 20th and into the 21st century tomorrow cause we are discarding the tv with rabbit ears and upgrading to Dish Network. Jackpot! It even has a DVR baby, now I can finally tape the shows I have been missing for months, 3 months of HBO, Cinemax, and Showtime all for $19.99 a month for a year, can't beat it. If anybody else wants in on the $19.99 deal ($12 less than getting it from Dish Network directly, holla at me, and I will get you the hookup!).

Purdue Wins!

Poor Michigan State they just can't buy a win. They are offically the 2nd worst team in the Big Ten. We had fun in West Lafayette. Hi Colleen! We went to the game and we went to an improv show Saturday night at the civic theather in Lafayette. It was funny. And of course Krista's favorite part of the whole weekend... the trip to Super Target! What makes it super you might ask...? Well it has groceries of course. I think Krista almost wet herself she was so excited to go. But I am here to report, it does smell the same. (Inside joke). Just ask Krista about it sometime and she will gladly indulge you in her Target fetish. Well it wouldn't be a blog post if I didn't give you a run down of what we ate that weekend. We ate at La Scala for dinner Saturday night, I had a Pizza Bianca (Chicken, herbs, pinenuts, etc.) and Krista the tortellini. After the improv show we stopped for ice cream at the Silver Dipper... oh wait hold on a sec, let me pick up that name I just dropped. Anyway I had a scoop of peanut butter cookie dough and a scoop of Fat Elvis, not to be confused with Fat Bastard of Austin Powers fame, although I did look at my cone and say, "I'm gonna eat cha!". Fat Elvis is banana ice cream with peanut butter and chocolate, not bad. It is getting me closer to my life long goal of having one of Elvis' favorite sandwiches some day. Grilled peanut butter, banana, bacon, and honey sandwich. Anyone else game?

Boilermakers

Krista and I are going down to West Lafayette to visit Colleen this weekend. While there we will also be partaking of the Purdue v. MSU game. Haven't decided who I am going to root for, since neither of them wear maize and blue, but it should still be a lot of fun. And we will get to hang out with Colleen.